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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in captnpepsi's LiveJournal:

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    Sunday, April 12th, 2009
    12:57 pm
    Forward there,
    a glimmer of a something disc.
    And i care.

    Glance left, and I should say
    three hands turned to one,
    but i know not why.

    Outlines do not move,
    yet I can see them.

    And there are discs.
    There are discs.
    There are discs,
    and they are falling.
    Sunday, December 17th, 2006
    12:09 pm
    age begins to touch her grace

    folding skin untouched.

    and i, i trace the outlines of

    gentle curves just being

    just sleeping

    i laugh when you stare and despair

    how you - so she - applies an ounce of dye to shade the shadows of her eyes

    and wishes,so wishes, they were not there.

    but I'll and poke you on the thickest part

    where black vipers make their nest, and you hate so dark
    Friday, December 15th, 2006
    5:13 pm
    its past before its begun yet lives in you with each dying sun

    blue eyes - green eyes - brown eyes

    locked and broken are the moment's token
    Thursday, November 30th, 2006
    12:07 pm
    i drink to be free or perhaps i drink to forget. WHat am i here for? i don't know, but i'm here maybe because i know there's a odd chance something miraculous will happen. Thats why i'm here. Because if i'm not then i've killed its chance - and i need the chance for it - i need it's hope.

    we speak, we walk, we do many things which are not us. I mean the thoughts in your head. the moment that comes by ever so lightly as you think without effort and observe without words

    that thoughtless moment of reflection when you look at a dark crack on the street and hear a bus rolling past

    thats you - that is more you than anything you've ever said to anyone - and it is those moments that make the whole of you

    but its here that i can express these thigns most clearly and perhaps for that reason it is those that read me know me more than those who see me.

    but i won't be the same in life nor will you - my thoughts are here and they are there - but they are not in life
    Thursday, October 19th, 2006
    12:46 am
    The occasions are few but when they draw near i do well to find they right keys.

    There's a thing about christmas that as the years progressed had made it less of one thing and more of another. These days i find myself more attuned to giving than to receiving. I may give in order to receive, thats true - i've not really thought this through.

    Others have said it is the 'magic' of christmas but by what name shall i call it? Or dare i call it anythign at all lest i deprive it of that which makes it so dear to me. Is it an idea, a desire, a love, or a hope that things will be but for a short time as we want them to be?

    That on this one day the world will act not as it does but as it should.
    Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006
    12:28 pm
    I didn't expect you to come.

    Hey. I thought.

    I thought she'd left.

    I offered you a drink or some bread.
    I did all those customary things
    which require no thought.

    You touched my hand

    there's alot in that

    i don't understand
    Sunday, August 20th, 2006
    10:40 am
    For all of ability, I cannot write without feeling.
    I tend to say perhaps and maybe and i'm not sure.
    These are all true.
    Someday i'll say.

    I don't believe we have to make sense when we speak.
    If you can feel,
    but thats just a word
    Sunday, April 23rd, 2006
    3:46 am
    Three keys turned to one

    one to sky, and one to lie

    They played on amber plates,

    the last, a bit too late.
    Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
    1:50 pm
    i never spoke to her, just observed from a distance.

    Another years or so passed and i was asked by to represent him. I was deeply honored. i always had dreams of finally taking me under his wing to receive personalized training and when it came - it was absolutely unreal. LAter i was made an instructor and put on a of a select few handpicked by

    the team i was placed on was full of good people but somethign was missing in all of them. jenny, the girl sammy had taught, was there too .

    they all got better over the years doing the same forms over and over and over.

    i got bored, tired, restless i jsut sa on the sidelines.

    I dod not think the solution to personal growth lay in the repetition of the forms - i beleived it lay in each individual attacking one tecnique, concept, or motion and jsut drilling it in for months.

    I didn't have to meet to do that, we didn't have to meet to do that.

    I think two years into the training jenny started to show - i don't know what to call it

    but it was ridiculous.

    i can't really expalin to you how amazingly it was to see it in jenny.

    LAst weekend i dropepd by the school to give myself a study break

    Jenny wento n at the end of forms class and performed Yu-shin, a 3rd dan form.

    I started smiling before she'd moved,

    she was awesome.

    everything was aligned, the stances were right

    but it wasn't just that they were aligned - they were dynamic

    they felt right

    it was as if someone took the hollowness and filled it with life

    it was smooth, slow, then fast

    her strikes, precise and powerful

    her rythm near perfect

    and all just amazing

    I could have sat all day watching her practice
    Thursday, April 13th, 2006
    1:54 am
    I am not sure - that i know for certain

    yet i believe this may be alright
    Tuesday, March 21st, 2006
    4:38 pm
    i wake up seeing the same room

    i wake up thinking the same things
    Saturday, March 18th, 2006
    1:08 am
    and if
    and If you're not on my list its because, i decided against

    having a reminder of all those things, that once seemed
    good now seem so very wrong

    Cherish memories for what they were

    and let them live in their own right, you may say.

    How right and proper it sounds,

    and how wretched and canniving i must be to say the other way
    Sunday, March 12th, 2006
    10:47 pm
    shadows made of nothing

    wake me from restless sleep

    to wait these nights with me

    for that which does not come

    A circle beneath me

    shakes so terribly,

    and i wonder if God did mean

    Sunday, January 15th, 2006
    8:57 pm
    flash thoughts
    If you could uncover a smile to see what lay beneath

    what would you find?

    I rememeber that warf in a most vivid of the second recollection

    what shall i tell you?

    that it was long and empty yet had everything?

    That I was careless, carefree and of a thousand other emotions,

    which seemed to suddenly rescind their abscence of me

    if i had lived - i had lived without living

    sure i existed

    but not even in fighting was i ever really there. it always

    felt as if i was observing someone else

    i was too calm - even in heat - i was too calm

    but i suppose we can all go living long after a part of us dies

    I went to pamplona to try to fill in what was not there.

    THere i hoped to find something to dislodge this splinter of

    hollowness that had placed itself in me

    so i ran - and although i breathed heavily and was bruised
    - i did not feel any more alive than the

    moments before

    i used to dream about going places - because i thought the

    place would make me happy

    now i can imagine myself being in every imaginable place in

    the world - and i have no interest in going

    i don't want to know what my life will be liek next year

    or next week - i don't want to know - because i don't want

    to know what to expect
    Sunday, January 8th, 2006
    2:31 am
    There was wind
    that swept its long fingers accross the warf

    This wind

    a current of momevement

    brought a breath of freshness

    to all my senses

    I was alive, I felt it.
    Friday, December 23rd, 2005
    5:42 pm
    it has always happened so,

    that amid a strange silence

    eyes themselves catch sounds

    and words,

    if ever they were,

    Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
    12:46 am
    looking here and back it seems quite clear

    that i have run from many things,

    even those i held most dear

    how is it,

    and how does it come to pass,

    that an object once so inspired

    could nudge these feet, to speed,

    ,to part.
    Friday, September 30th, 2005
    2:55 am
    its late - again

    whenever these times come up - i cannot but help think a of a person

    a person once so central to me

    that i do not want to think of it

    most of you who read this will not understand what i speak of

    because most of you will never have had the opoortunity to experience what i did


    a pause here

    for what i feel i lost

    i lost

    to someone or something i could not understand

    but while it lasted - i could outsing-outplay-outwirte and outfight

    every player of this world - because I alone knew which strings this lady loved.

    Sunday, August 28th, 2005
    11:53 am
    The Price of Wit
    Those who have read john Donne's work and moved on to perhaps Petrarch, Rumi, or Neruda will likely experience a shift in the object of their admiration.

    It is Shakespeare who instructs us that " Brevity is the soul of wit" and this is indeed the case with Donne. His poems are an intricate display of clever thinking. It is in The Flea that his genius of manipulation is perhaps most apparent. Who would have thought an image of a flea could give birth to an such an unnerving sea of passion.

    We are left in fascination at these writers, yet I would question if that fascination is derived from the same source.

    Petrarch's poems brim with the very core of infatuation and desire but they are quite simple and straightforward.

    " When Love within her lovely face appears
    now and again among the other ladies,
    as much as each is less lovely than she
    the more my wish I love within me grows.

    I bless the place, the time and hour of the day
    that my eyes aimed their sights at such a height,.."

    having read sectiosn of his work, many of us are left in wonder, in awe, or amazement. With him the cause of our fascination lies in is his ability to convey emotionally his sense of suffering or enjoyment.

    With Donne, however, we are left awe-stricken not so much at his passions than his dexterious display of complexities that he relays them with.

    so i guess - in short - good shit - is very straightforward.

    no explanations - just feelings

    you could write stuff that doens't make any sense at all

    but if you can feel what they were supposed to make you feel

    well then you've succeeded very well
    Thursday, July 14th, 2005
    3:08 pm
    Grandiloquous : A pompous or overbearing type of speech
    another quirky little word : Quaffable

    Quaffable: easy to drink; easy to drink a greta quanitity of


    Jaegermeister is certainly the most quaffable of all liquors.
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